The Purpose of Human Life in the age of AI

March 21st, 2023

When I went to Chicago for a business trip last spring, I noticed that at least 3-4 of the public restrooms I entered had unusually tall flushometers. Why were they so tall? I looked up the exact model of the flushometer I saw and compared the gallons-per-flush with conventional flushometers. There was no significant difference, so I kept digging. Is it due to a regulation in Chicago that requires them? Is it for economic efficiency? Does the automatic sensor work better if it's behind your head versus your lower back?

I couldn't find a definitive answer even after several days of searching on Google, and eventually let the topic rest in my mind for almost a year. That is, until the release of ChatGPT. After playing around with its capabilities, I typed "Why are some flushometers taller than others" into the chat box. Within a matter of seconds, it generated this answer:

"In general, taller flushometers are used with taller toilet or urinal fixtures. This is because the height of the flushometer needs to be sufficient to provide enough water pressure to properly flush the fixture. If a flushometer is too short, it may not be able to provide enough water pressure to effectively clean the bowl or flush away waste. In addition to fixture height, the height of a flushometer can also be affected by the specific requirements of the installation. For example, if the flushometer is being installed in a space with low ceilings or other obstructions, a shorter flushometer may be required to fit within the space."

As many twenty-somethings do, I continuously question the purpose of life; specifically, the purpose of my life. With the recent development of AI and ChatGPT, I started thinking about what differentiates a human from AI. When it comes to knowledge or skills, AI can already outperform humans in games like Go. So what leverage do humans have in this cusp of a new era?

My answer is this: Curiosity and Enjoyment. An AI language model will not understand the thrill of a Go match, or the joy of learning something new—it does what it is programmed to do. It doesn't look at a tall flushometer and ask why it's taller, it simply accepts that it's taller.

When I am truly curious about a topic, I'll go to any lengths to find the answer. My curiosity in life led me to play for the USA Junior National Team, interviewing for the FBI in college, work for a healthcare company with no healthcare background, and give up my full-time job for a contract position at Google.

Our lives are the product of choices and decisions we make on a daily basis. We've heard of the Butterfly Effect and the Domino Effect. Everything and I mean EVERYTHING has consequences—even inaction and indecision. Luckily, my desire for growth (trying new things that are scary) is stronger than my desire to stay in my comfort zone (a false sense of safety in predictability). As Linus Pauling once wrote,

"Satisfaction of one's curiosity is one of the greatest sources of happiness in life."

Human (人間) - Korean

December 6th, 2022

인간(人間)은,

인간이란 몸으로 ,

인간 인생을 살아가며

지독한 우울에 질식하고,

답없는 질문에 방황하고,

애매한 재능에 좌절하지만

한줄기 희망에 일어서고,

또다시 사랑에 웃고울며,

굳건한 믿음에 몸을 맡긴다.

“사람(人)”이라는 겸손한 경험은

무한하지않은 시간과 

무한하지않은 공간의 사이(間)에서,

인간이라는 한정된 감각으로

경험과 인지를 통해 맛을 보게 해준다.

달콤씁쓸한 무한의 통찰.

Memory

November 7th, 2022

[Memory] is,

The master key to both joy and torture.
On days when you recall a time of bliss,
the sensations of the moment wrap you warmly and become fuel for life.
Yet intrusive memories of heartbreak and sadness can hit you like an AK-47.
The first shot rips you with excruciating pain,
but the subsequent bullets hurt a little less each time.
Your mind begins to materialize the 0.1 seconds of downtime in between each bullet
to create a thicker and thicker shield.
Eventually, the bullets are no longer able to penetrate the shield.

The human memory is truly magnificent, as it heals itself with an intangible construct.

Pigeon on a Wall (Haiku)

August 28th, 2022

Huh, there’s a pigeon
cooing sideways on the wall,
walking up and down!

This cannot be real
or could it be that I am
laying on the ground?

Will I ever know
the answer to that question
with these 3D mind?

The cooing fades out
as I taste the sharp moment
reality dies.

Summer Sunset (Haiku)

July 14th, 2022

Clouds veiled the shy sun
hugging the light that was cast
over the water.

Shadows came to play,
as the breath of dusk whispered
where are you going?

That’s a trick question
why set a destination
when you can be free?

The wind nods with me
out here we are small, just one
of many others.

Everything Everywhere All at Once (No Spoilers)

April 21st, 2022

As the ending credits of Everything Everywhere All at Once started rolling and the silence in the theater was broken by the sounds of people getting up, I remained in row K with my friend, staring blankly at the screen. There was so much to unpack here.

I hadn’t watched the trailer for this movie prior to the showing. The only information I had was that one of my friend’s friend warned her about bringing plenty of tissues just in case. And so I brought a travel-sized pack of Kleenex in my handbag and placed it in the cup holder before the movie started. To my surprise, I didn’t end up using any.

The Daniel duo undoubtedly did an amazing job with the film. The camerawork and special effects were on point, and I thoroughly enjoyed seeing a mainly-Asian cast on the silver screen—but that wasn’t why I stared blankly at the screen.

‘How many people in this theater are going to go on with their lives, not recognizing the significance of the message this movie is sending?’

Since it’s impossible to accurately answer this question, I’ll just go ahead and make a prediction: most. Most of us will return to the mundanity of our lives.

Exit the theater while chatting about how dramatic the fight scenes were,
Dust off the popcorn bits stuck in our jackets,
Get into the car and turn on some of the latest pop songs,
Drive home, take a shower, and go to sleep. Get up the next day.
Go to work, maybe repeat in a month if another interesting movie is released.
That’s the reality, isn’t it?

Our lives are the product of choices and decisions we make on a daily basis. We should all know this by now, and I don’t need to drill this more. However, the small choices that we don’t think will impact us greatly, do in fact impact us in the long run. It’s the Butterfly Effect. Domino Effect. The Stanford Marshmallow Experiment. Everything and I mean EVERYTHING, has consequences—even inaction and indecision.

So the next time I am choosing between ignoring my inner desire for growth (trying new things that are scary) for the sake of staying in my comfort zone (a false sense of safety in predictability), this movie will surely pop up in my mind. Who was it that said this…oh I can’t remember at the moment.

Danger is very real, but fear is a choice.

Elenia

April 12th, 2017

"I'm going to the medical center to get a blood test done. Nothing serious, just getting my regular physical check-up."

Another lie. This month was filled with lies on top of lies that I thought made perfect sense at the moment. But they were lies regardless and I didn't have the energy to think through the consequences.

I wasn't going to the medical center for a blood test. After mustering up the energy at 9am to walk 15 minutes to my psychiatrist's office on Market Street, she decided—not me—that I needed some serious psychiatric evaluations before I would do something I may regret. At this point, I had 32 cuts on my right arm that I roughly bandaged up after spring break. "Hot water burn from my kettle," I called it, as my teammates asked what happened. No one thought much of it. I didn't want them to think much of it. Shame and guilt consumed the majority of my thoughts and I wasn't about to add pity to it.

My psychiatrist walked me to the medical center where I sat down in a medical examination bed and waited for the nurse to draw blood. Funny enough, the needle ended up bending inside my left arm and blood poured out. The nurse apologized profusely and went to go get a gauze, but I just stared at my arm in awe. Watching blood rush down my arm was exhilarating in some ways—I hadn't felt this alive in a while.

‘I’m seriously messed up, huh?’ I let out a weak laugh and closed my eyes.

I was eventually brought into the psychiatric ward, where there were no windows and each room was built like a gray jail cell. The nurses took my clothes and belongings, and only allowed 20 minutes of phone use at a time. How ridiculous! I was being treated like a suicidal patient who would use absolutely any chance I get to kill myself. Well, that certainly was not the case. I came here because I was tired. Tired of being trapped in my thoughts and switching back and forth between pretending like everything is fine and getting hit by a wave of "this is most certainly, not fine."

Who was I? I opened up my phone camera and took a good long look at myself in the white patient gown that they put me in. I sat up on the hospital bed and looked up at the sound of the knocking. One of the nurses had brought lunch, which consisted of the driest turkey sandwich I'd ever tasted, apple juice, and a cookie. Maybe the cookie was there to give a slight dopamine rush to elevate my mood. Maybe the cookie was just an afterthought. Maybe the existence of the cookie didn't even matter.

As I reached the end of my 20 minutes of phone time, the nurse once again knocked on my door and asked to take my phone back. I specifically requested that they charge the phone if possible so that it doesn't die. The nurse agreed and left.

I laid back on the hospital bed and pulled the sheets over my body. What the hell was I doing here? Is this really how things are going to be now? Am I THAT person, THAT crazy suicidal person who has to be hospitalized because they're potential harm to society?

'You're NOT that crazy person.'

A voice in my head spoke out. Elenia. I hadn't heard from Elenia in at least 2 months. When she watched me self-harm for the first time in February, she told me that I would eventually regret this and that she won't speak to me until I get my head straight. But it was April now and that never happened.

'Elenia, what am I supposed to do now? I don't know who I am or what I'm going to do next.' I thought back, waiting for her response.

'Do you trust me?' Elenia spoke in her typical calm, husky voice.

The accurate answer to that question would be no. I didn't trust Elenia to make a decision that would factor in my mental well-being. Elenia's judgment calls were extremely logical and almost pathological. But I was grasping at straws.

'Yes. Help me. Please.' I closed my eyes and noticed a hot tear run down from my right eye.

'Let me take it from here,' she whispered, and I drifted off into the blackness of the room as all sound faded away.

Every move I made, every word I spoke from that moment was not mine. Elenia took charge of my body and controlled it to her will. I was in the backseat, my mouth taped shut and staring through the glass partition that separated the driver's seat from mine.

Elenia called for the nurse and asked that I speak with the doctor in charge. Around 30 minutes later, I got a meeting with the doctor. She explained that I was no longer having suicidal thoughts and that I would like to return to my dorm to resume my classes. To every question that the skeptical doctor asked, she replied along the lines of "I feel much better now that I've had some time to think. I would like to call my family once I return to my dorm and spend some time with my friends." The doctor tapped his pen on the release document a few times, and decided that I was well enough to be discharged. At this point, it was 8:30am on April 13th. I gathered my belongings, my clothes, and walked out of the medical center at 9am. The uphill walk on Spruce Street was long and draining, but the fresh spring air was more than I could ask for after a night in what felt like a dungeon.

I walked into my dorm building, took the elevator up to the 4th floor, and opened my room door. My roommate wasn't home. I took off my shoes and went straight for the bed.

"Thank you Elenia," I said out loud as I drifted back to sleep.

'You're very welcome, but we’re just getting started.' She laughed.